Fogetting someone you really like (to the point that you can say that you are in love with her) is really difficult. I usually laugh at people who suffer from the anxiety of hoping for things that will never be. Unfortunately, I have become one of those people I laugh at… at least for a time.

But I got over that stage in my life. Or so I thought.

The truth is I never really had closure with her. She never really gave me a chance to have a serious talk with her to end the whole ordeal properly. And the more the situation dragged on, the more depressed I became, the more stupid I felt. If there was anyone for me to laugh at, it would have been me.

So once and for all, I decided to just give up entirely and just suppress the feelings I had even without takling to her. That, I thought, was the wisest choice I could make. It took a while before I could totally forget her. It took months actually.

Then, just this morning, I received a missed call from her. I asked her why she rang me and she was just asking how I was ‘cause she just remembered me. It was confusing.

I feel so lost since I have no idea what’s happening. The way she treated me gave me the impression that she didn’t care about how I felt. She made me feel like trash and now she’s suddenly asking me how I am… after how many months.

Everything came flooding back. All the tears I’ve shed, all the pain I’ve endured, all the emotions I’ve suppressed, all the pride I’ve lost came flashing into my mind with that single missed call.

Now, I’m back at where I started three months ago. I’m in shambles and trying to pull myself together again. After being haunted by the ghost of heart ache’s past, my life is again in tarmac.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bitter and I’m not really angry at her. In fact, there’s a part of me that felt warm and probably a bit joyous about the whole sequence of events this morning. I still like her and I will not deny that. But I know that this isn’t going to work out. I’ll still just be another admirer she wouldn’t care about and if I allow myself to fall all over again, I might end up getting my heart wounded worse that it did the first time.