Nananahimik lang ako habang nagtatrabaho ng alas kuwatro ng madaling araw habang iniisip na kelangan kong matapos lahat ng puwede kong matapos ngayon dahil may pupuntahan akong children’s party mamaya. Siyempre, as usual, blocked out ang buong mundo sa senses ko dahil may suot akong headphones habang nakikinig ng ipod.

Habang hinahalukay ko ang mga appropriate words sa very limited kong bokabularyo, bigla akong napahinto, natulala at nangarap. May tumugtog na track sa ipod na matagal ko nang hindi naririnig. Isang kantang sobrang nakakarelate ako ngayon. And the song is, as the title of this god forsaken entry indicates, ‘A Little Respect’. Yung version na nasa ipod ko ay version ng Wheatus para may edge ng konti.

Anyway, tumigil ang mundo ko kahit patuloy na dumaloy ang oras habang nilalasap ko ang malungkot na mensahe ng kanta. To give you a clear idea of what I mean, ipopost ko na rin yung lyrics:

A Little Respect

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
That you give me no reason, you know you’re making me work so hard
That you give me no . . . Soul
I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me.

And if I should falter, would you open your arms out to me?
We can make love not war, and live in peace with our hearts
I’m so in love with you, I’ll be forever blue
What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?
Don’t you tell me no. . . Soul.
I hear you calling
Oh baby please, give a little respect to me.

I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you’re making me work so hard
That you give me no. Soul.
I hear you calling.
Oh baby, please give a little respect to me.
Oh baby, please give a little respect to me.

Here’s the video:

Obviously, the story of the video doesn’t apply to me. It’s more of the lyrics of the song that I can relate to than the music video.

Kung nabasa mo na ang previous entries ko, then you would have a good idea of why I could relate to the lyrics of this song. I just feel like, in summary, I’m being disrespected by the object of my affection. Yes, as gay as it sounds, I feel like I’m being played. Minsan hindi mo rin mapipigilan ang sarili mong isiping pinaglalaruan ka ng taong mahal mo lalo na kung ang trato niya sa’yo ay ganun sa mga dinescribe ko sa previous entries ko.

Minsan, kapag naiisip ko si Trisha, gusto ko na lang sumigaw ng ‘Respeto naman!’ kahit alam kong hindi niya ako maririnig.

Alam kong pahirapan ang ligawan kung minsan pero… respeto naman. Madali naman akong kausap e. Kung ayaw mo, hindi ko ipipilit sarili ko. Sabihin mo lang. Hindi yung eto ako, naghihintay ng chance na hindi mo naman binibigay. Minsan pakiramdam ko kaya ako nandito at lutang sa kawalan ng pag-asa eh dahil para may regular guest ka lang. I don’t feel that you appreciate how I feel for you and you’re not telling me because I’m a sure source of income. Yung tipong pag may ibang guest na mas matagal kang ita-time in, papa-time in ka kahit alam mong darating ako dahil mas malaki kita dun. Parang papupuntahin mo ako sa trabaho mo para may sure guest ka kung walang magta-table sayo ng maaga. Masakit e.

Ewan. Sana mali ang iniisip ko. Pero ang hirap isiping mali ako kung walang pinupuntahan efforts ko. Alam kong wala pa talaga akong napapatunayan pero hindi mo rin naman ako binibigyan ng pagkakataong patunayan. At tulad ng lagi kong sinasabi, ayokong manligaw sa club!

Tapos siyempre, hindi natapos dun yung emo moment ko. Pagkatapos ng ‘A Little Respect’, sinundan yung track ng ‘Every Little Thing’ ng Dishwala. Isang kantang naglalaman ng lahat ng gusto kong sabihin na hindi ko kayang sabihin. Again, para magkaintindihan tayo, ipopost ko yung lyrics:

Every Little Thing

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you’ve gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don’t make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you’ve gone away- you’ve gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don’t give me up
don’t give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted

Walang matinong version nito sa youtube. Ito na ang pinaka matinong nahanap ko. ‘Wag mo na panooring yung video. Makinig ka na lang!

Anyway, this song just has everything that I want to say. Gusto kong ibigay ang buo kong pagkatao sa kaniya, pero ako nga ba ang gusto niya? Yun lang.

It wouldn’t matter how much effort I exert. It wouldn’t matter how strong my feelings are. It wouldn’t matter how honest and open I could be. If I’m not the person she’s looking for, if I’m not the guy she wants, then everything is in vain.

I guess all I could ever pray for is that I could be every little thing she wants. But with the amount of respect I’m getting, I guess I’m wishing for too much.

Ni hindi nga niya ako ina-accept yung facebook friend request ko e.